


Inferior

by Stingray



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feeling Small, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, self doubt, the works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:44:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stingray/pseuds/Stingray
Summary: Antonio is feeling a little small, Jay shows him the infinity inside of himself.





	

The look in Antonio's eyes when he got home from work on that dreadful Friday was enough to break Jay's heart into pieces. It happened every so often when they had a particularly bad case. Today he'd lost a little boy and his elderly grandmother to a mall shooting. He took down the killer, but he kept questioning himself. Did he move fast enough? Could he have taken the shot sooner? What could he have done to differently to save the two beautiful souls that had been lost on this sad day?

The honest truth of the matter was that there wasn't anything that anyone could have done. Yet, Antonio wouldn't believe that. In his eyes, this was his fault because he felt that he wasn't competent enough to handle the situation to the best of his abilities.

Jay knew something was wrong with the other man as soon as he walked in the door of their apartment. Antonio had stayed at work later than him, and Jay knew he needed some time to think. But he had hoped that perhaps it would help rather than turn him into the wreck he was seeming to be. Jay could see the pent up emotion behind those tired eyes, and he knew Antonio would need some extra love.

Jay was just making them sandwiches for supper when he felt Antonio's arms loop around his waist, hugging him from behind. He also felt Antonio rest his forehead against his back, breathing in a few deep breaths. Probably enjoying the comforting scent that was Jay. The two of them sat down at their small kitchen table and ate their humble meal in silence. Jay tried to start some small talk a few times, but that didn't really go anywhere. Antonio seemed to be down for the count, it was totally evident that his mind was somewhere else. Jay was the one who cleaned up the dishes, which he didn't mind at all, but it was always something they did together. It was part of their daily supper routine, so that made Jay even more concerned about Antonio's completely withdrawn behaviour. This was really unlike Antonio, even on his worst days, and Jay wasn't sure how to handle it the correct way or make him feel even remotely better. 

Jay moved over to the couch, flipping the tv on to the sports channel. He secretly hoped Antonio would join him, but no such thing happened. Fifteen minutes came and went, and he suddenly heard soft sobs coming from the direction of the kitchen table. Jay shut off the game that he wasn't even paying attention to, got up, and went straight to the side of his boyfriend. 

Jay's heart broke at the sight of Antonio breaking. Jay didn't really know what he was supposed to do; he had never seen this side of Antonio before and it caught him totally off guard. He gave Antonio a hand and helped him up from the chair. He'd never seen anything hit Antonio this hard in all his years knowing the man. The bucket finally overflowed, he guessed. 

As soon as Antonio was standing on his feet, Jay led him to their bed. The sobbing had halted, but the tears were still silently falling from his sad eyes. Antonio couldn't figure out why exactly he was crying, but he just knew that he was sad. Like, really sad and everything that had piled up on him after hell knows how long, had finally crushed him. Crime won, Antonio lost. It was a ferocious battle and not one that had quite concluded, but it was a tricky fight that was nearly killing Antonio. He was so small, so useless, he couldn't even help that little boy and his grandmother today. How pathetic was that? 

He told Jay as much, and Jay seemed to have a bit of a lightbulb moment regarding the other man. Him and Antonio were laying in bed; Jay faced Antonio, his head propped up on an elbow.

"You're not useless or small, babe." Jay encouraged with a smile.

But Antonio was skeptical, "I am useless, I'm not any good to any one."

Jay shook his head, sad that Antonio would think so little of himself. "Close your eyes." Jay whispered soft as wind against Antonio's short hair.

With a small sigh of exhaustion, Antonio complied.

"Now rub your eyes." Jay spoke, watching in amusement as Antonio's tear-stained face gained a sense of confusion. But Antonio decided to just go with it for Jay's sake. He rubbed his eyes for a few moments before Jay gave him his next objective. "Okay, now stop rubbing and look, see all the stars inside your eyes? You're not small, and you're not nothing, Tony. You've got an entire universe inside of you."

At that, Antonio's silent stream of tears restarted, but for a different reason this time. He felt the most intense kind of love inside of himself. He was so lucky to have this amazing guy. Antonio loved Jay so much, and within a few long seconds, he was giving him a long passionate kiss just to prove it. Jay pulled Antonio close and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"You're not nothing, Antonio. In fact, you're everything to me." Jay said happily, a tear of his own leaving his eye. He felt the immeasurable need to sooth Antonio's being, to remind him how perfect he was, how much he was wanted, needed, sought. The immensely good feeling of this unconditionally authentic emotion, engulfing his soul. Tearing beautifully at his heart, filling it with pure, astounding love.

Antonio held Jay in response, just as tightly as he was holding him. The two of them fell asleep like that, in each others arms. Neither one of them let go of each other during the night, and they woke up that way in the morning. In fact, they only seemed to have gotten closer together; almost every square inch of their bodies were touching; but honestly, that wasn't a problem for them.


End file.
